Grasping at Straws

With my beautiful wife in the hospital doing another round of Chemo, the nights at home out here are quiet , sure I have our son here too but he is a 12 year old boy so I can only talk about life so much with him.

So after the kidlet is tucked away for the night,the house work done, and having ran out of home repairs or DIY projects to do, I get to thinking, I think a lot about the 17 wonderful incredible years that I have spent with her , it’s a small comfort to me to think back on all the love, joy, and happiness that we have shared for so long.

I know that I am going to lose my wife, and it almost kills me to admit that fact, a big part of me wants to be like our son and go into complete and utter denial and believe that the chemo will cure her…. it won’t, I know this, but still I can not help but to look outside the medical professionals for help, any kind of help, even if it brings me false hope , I’ve started investing in holistics , not large sums of money, just $20 here and there, such as a bracelet made of hazelwood , it is supposed to draw out poisons from the body, and should be replaced every 6 months, I found a steady supply of B-17 (laetrile) they use that in Mexico on cancer patients, it’s not FDA approved here in Canada so my supplier gets them across the border for me,(I don’t ask how) .

As I said I spend my nights thinking, always about my wife, Tonight a thought occured to me that maybe just maybe a Native Shaman/Medicine man/woman may be able to help, how I don’t know,as I have never been to one before, so I asked my sister to ask around to help find one.

I did buy some sweet grass for prayer purposes and 2 mineral stones for her to hold/play with when she is idle, these stones are healing stones for lung ailments, I may very well be grasping at straws, but even though it is very selfish of me…..I am just not prepared to live my life without her at my side, yes I will have to do so, but dammit I just can’t lose my WIFE!!! I will carry on and raise our son to be the fine gentleman he is shaping up to be of course, but I will do it while heart broken .

I am not an overly religious person, more spiritual than anything,but I pray every night and day for my wife to be spared, I know many many people are praying for my wife and I sincerely appreciate it, as does my wife and our son.

Anyway I will end here for tonight, remember to express your love often, be kind to others and never take tomorrow for granted.

Butch



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