Then we got to the city and BAM!! the ass end of my car started twerking like Miley Cyrus on crack , yeah that made my ass hole SLAM SHUT tighter than a virgin on prom night! If that weren’t enough I come to a red light and had to stop, of course there is a shiny new car in front of me, I tap the brakes and my car goes into some sort of psychedelic slalom sliding ever closer to the ass end of the shiny new car…. by this time my ass hole is really puckered so tight I swear shit shot out my ears as I yelled to my wife HOLD ON this is really gonna HURT!! I saw the driver of the shiny new car looking in his rear view and his eyes were BUGGING outta his head, he was about to get a 91 Cavalier shoved up his ass , the look of sheer terror on his face woulda been PRICELESS if it wasn’t gonna send my insurance through the roof !! (Here in Canada you’re automatically at fault if you rear end anyone, no excuses allowed, your guilty, and your pretty much fucked insurance wise)
My feet were dancing on the pedal so rapidly I woulda made Fred Astaire proud!! feathering the brakes while praying to the powers that be …PLEASE DON”T LET ME GIVE THAT GUY A CHEVY ENIMA!! repeatedly,….time slowed down so slow and RiffRaff,Magenta and Little Nell were singing like angels in the back of my head….Let’s do the Time Warp again….
Aaaaannnnd the mighty Cavalier caught her footing at the last second and stopped just a twat hair shy of that shiny new cars rear bumper…. both the new cars driver and I got out for a looksee , both of us just stood there looking first at our bumpers then at each other in TOTAL and COMPLETE UTTER DISBELIEF… not a word was spoken between us, the look of relief on the guys face from avoiding being ANAL RAPED by a Cavalier said it all, what could I say? I just smiled back at him and shrugged my shoulders and we both got back in our cars, when the light turned green I waited for him to put some distance between us, which he did, he was gone faster than a naked duck in a wind storm! I just eased forward keeping a 3 vehicle distance between me and the next guy up front, I surely didn’t want a repeat of the current events.
As I drove to the clinic I was thanking the powers that be …thank you thank you thank you for not adding VEHICULAR BUGGERY to my list of Karma infractions!! My Wife was as white as a ghost and literally had to pry her hands off the dash board, I just looked at her and smiled and said I missed him by a country mile !
We made it to the clinic and she got her blood work done, from there we headed to the starvation army (Salvation army) to drop off a car load of clothes for those that need them, it took some skill driving across the icy city streets, but we just went slow and steady, while at the salvation army unloading the clothes I was watching vehicle after vehicle slide through the stop sign and intersection and wondered where the hell are the sand trucks? I counted 14 vehicles go sliding through the intersection, I planned my route out of the city , straight down 13th ave only 6 lights and 1 major intersection and it would dump us out on the grid (gravel) road which I could stick to all the way home.
So that’s pretty much what happened yesterday, today I stayed home and will be home until Thursday, then it’s off to another adventure in the city!… never did see a sand truck either.
Remember folks: express your love often,never take tomorrow for granted,and be kind to others
Butch
easy wood projects to build
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