I had to wake up at 6 AM to make sure I was coherent enough to drive to the city around 8 ish to get my wife to her CT-Scan at 9.
That’s not the sucky part, I mean I’d get up at 3 AM (and have many times) for my Wife, the sucky part is the fact that it’s Monday…. by default the day is gonna suck!! it’s the 1 day per week where Karma and the Universe get’s to freely shit all over you for every bad thing you have ever done,said,or thought!
Now I always check my vehicles over before going anywhere (I dislike surprise breakdowns) … so after a couple cups of coffee, I head out to check over the old Cavalier (cuz the lady bug is in the garage being fixed…again) I go to pop the hood…and the effing hood release cable snaps!! shitpissf*ck$%^&%^&*sucker
Okay Okay I got this! I have to lay down half way under the front end of the car and reach up between the bumper/grill and radiator…. feel my way along until I find the hood release and manually trigger it… the car was parked in a mud puddle in my drive way….Of course it was! It’s MONDAY!!
I get what I need done with the motor (check the belt and fluids) and close the hood….only then realizing that I forgot to put the g*ddamned dipstick back !!! …repeat the above fiasco , getting doubly wet and muddy this time around ….Yup it’s MONDAY!!
I drag my soaked muddy cursing self to the house AAAAANNNNDDDD….. I friggin locked myself out of the house!! My wife is upstairs getting dressed and Hammy (our son) is taking a shit…and neither of them are answering the effing door, meanwhile the dog is losing his friggin mind just behind the door … Yup…it’s MONDAY!!
All that before 8 AM!!
So my wife eventually opens the door….and started laughing her ass off at the cold soaked muddy mess (me) standing there, fine ha ha funny, I throw the kidlet outta the bathroom mid shit and jump in the shower, get changed and get my wife out the door cuz we’re running a tad late …. Yup it’s MONDAY!!
Lucky me I’m driving a car that has 330+thousand on the motor and won’t do over 85 Kilometers an hour (about 60 miles an hour ,she’s old a ’91, but she’s reliable) so now I am just royally pissing every driver right the eff off on the high way …. My day just keeps getting better!! and yup, every driver that passed me (at MACH II) laid on their horn and flipped me the bird (middle finger) and a 18 wheeler felt it was his duty to put his front bumper about a foot away from my rear window for the entire 35 minute trip to the city…and yes he BLASTED his air horn as I swerved off the highway onto the on ramp to the city…. PRICK!! ….. Yup it’s MONDAY!!
I get my wife to her CT-SCAN just in time without further incident… I sit there in the waiting room quietly waiting like a good hubby should, waiting for the friggin building to implode or the ceiling fan to come flying off and rip my head off…I was certifiably PARANOID by now cuz I was well awares that MONDAY was out to get me!! I was sitting there like a wide eyed deer in the headlights Paranoid looking around scared and was freaking the other people in the reception room out….only I didn’t realize it at the time , until my wife came out and saw me and was again giggling her ass off as we left and then she told me that everyone in the room thought my cheese slipped off my cracker!! (thought I was crazy) ….Yup it’s MONDAY!!
My wife is hungry (because she couldn’t have breakfast due to the scan) so she say’s let’s go to Tim Horton’s for coffee and a sandwich , hell I NEED a drink by this time but coffee will suffice, so we jump in the old jalopy (car) and before I even make it half way across the parking lot some young Redneck in a jacked up 4×4 diesel makes a great attempt to roll over the front end of my car…. he didn’t even realize I was there! BASTARD!! (where’s my friggin jacked mudder when I NEED it?..why broke down in the backyard of course!!) , I would have laid on my horn except …. I DON’T HAVE ONE!! ….Yup it’s MONDAY!!
I make it out of the parking lot and down the street alive , and wouldn’t you know it, the redneck in the jacked diesel 4X4 is at the light, and my damned luck put me right behind him… and this is why Diesel owners should be shot and pissed on, then shot again…. the light turns green and of course the inbred hill billy in the diesel truck just stomps on the pedal… shooting black smoke out of his dual pipes which are strategically aimed right at me…. BASTARD!! (they call it rolling coal… I call it… YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING INBRED MOTHER^&CKER>>I hope you get in a fiery crash and choke on your g*ddamned diesel you PRICK!!) …. Yup it’s MONDAY!!
So I turn onto the road that will take us to the coffee shop…. all I can smell is diesel , I make it the 8 blocks without incident, I swing into the turning lane , and there’s a lady in a shiny new car yelling into her cell phone behind me… I wait patiently at the light, it turns green and I make my left turn with the lady behind me right on my ass, I signal and start changing lanes after my turn (I am now trying to cross 3 lanes to get into the far right)…the crazy bitch behind me is trying to do the same thing, now she is honking at me because I am not going fast enough for her liking, by now I can see her in the rear mirror just screaming at me… WTF did I do?? … she comes right up on my ass so I slam on the brakes causing her to make a split second choice, rear end me (which puts her automatically at fault and her insurance won’t pay for her repairs, but WILL buy me a new car)…or she can hit the ditch, or swerve into the traffic beside her, she chose to almost ditch her car and clipped my rear bumper in the process (hey it’s an old car, I don’t give a shit) and I drive off ….. the crazy bitch managed to get up on my ass again and followed me all the way to the coffee shop, now I’m getting a tad worried… just HOW crazy is she? … I pull into the parking lot and am gonna end this quick … she pulls up beside me just screaming and frothing , I grabbed a tire iron and jumped out and went towards her, I didn’t get 3 feet before she was burning rubber getting her crazy ass outta there …. Yup it’s MONDAY!!
My wife and I go have our coffee and sandwich , and I was making light of the situation so my wife wouldn’t freak out, BTW Tim Horton’s screwed up my sandwich order but I ate the damn thing anyway… I didn’t get my Bacon !!… Yup it’s MONDAY!!
On the way home, about a mile down the road, just before the highway turn off , guess who was pulled over by the police and sitting in the back of a cop car …. No NOT ME…. The crazy bitch !! it looked like she run another car off the road and the cops caught her…. KARMA IS A BITCH!!
I eventually made it home and for my own safety …stayed indoors , I’ll change the donut spare tire for a full sized tire tomorrow, why? because Yup it’s Monday!
so that’s it for Monday, tomorrow will be better simply because it’s NOT MONDAY!!
Remember folks, express your love often, never take tomorrow for granted, and be kind to others
Butch
easy wood projects to build
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