My wife was in the hospital from Thursday until 3 pm today, she was getting her 7th round of Chemo, it’s a different drug cocktail than before, this one won’t damage her heart but makes her so very sick.
When she is having Chemo I stay with her the first day to offer support and comfort, she doesn’t want visitors the second day, so I spend 2 nights and 1 day alone at home, then go in Saturday to be with her and bring her home.
I don’t sleep well when she is not near,my mind races lost in thoughts of her,us,our little family,I remember when we first met,funny I can still remember her perfume from 17 years ago, Exclamation, that was her favorite, I smile and hold her pillow tight.
I remember every single word from every single conversation we have had in the last 17 years,as those conversations replay in my head, I can hear your voice,so full of love,hope and life, I can hear your whimsical laughter and I hold her pillow tight.
I remember the bad times too, the arguments we’ve had, I wish now that I could have been stronger and calmer in those turbulent moments, but Darlin’ ,you look so cute when you’re angry, I remember bringing you flowers and taking you out dancing and telling you how sorry I am for getting angry, we have always worked through it together, and I hold her pillow tight.
I remember when you had our son, I really wanted a girl and jokingly asked the nurse to look up your hoo-hoo to see if there was a girl in there, you laughed despite the pain and the nurse thought I was insane. I hold her pillow tight
I remember you giving me a second gift,not just a son, you told the nurse to put my name on his birth certificate, she didn’t hesitate,she told me where to sign and with that our son had my last name, he was by law mine! Oh how I have loved you for that, that was the day you also started using your married name instead of your maiden name, that day we became a true family. and I hold her pillow tight
I watched you become a great Mother, it comes natural to you, you just know how to say and do the right things, you are a near perfect parent, I truly envy you in that, but you inspire me to be a good parent, you lead by example and I follow, I stumble a lot more than you, but you always catch me. I hold her pillow tight
Remember the trips we’d take, sometimes day trips sometimes weeks at a time, just random, waking up at 6 am and driving to Billings Montana just for a cup of coffee? a 6 hour drive for coffee, or the time we were going to go to Moose Jaw for a day and wound up in Canmore Alberta 2 days later, remember camping? we started in a tent, but as I got older the ground became harder so I bought us a crappy little tent trailer, I remember how pleased you were with it and how you spent days cleaning and decorating it. and I hold her pillow tight
Just this month I got us a little car that you absolutely fell in love with, I seen the tears of joy in your eyes and my heart soared with pride because I had made you so happy, your little lady bug car, I still love the way you whispered in my ear”take me for a ride” and how happy you were pushing all the buttons. and I hold your pillow tight.
Darlin’ while your in the hospital our life together plays out over and over again in my mind, and Darlin’ while I hold your pillow tight, I cry a thousand tears of sorrow as I wonder just how many more memories we have left, I Cry a thousand tears of sorrow because I don’t ever want to be anywhere but at your side. I cry a thousand tears of sorrow because I know I am slowly losing you.
Butch
easy wood projects to build
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