She always wrote and sent everyone cards and letters, she kept track of everyone’s birthdays and other special days and would send off cards and little trinkets just to let them know that she was thinking of them.
My wife had no use for the finer things in life ( big house new shiny cars etc) , she enjoyed the simple things in life and preferred that we always lived within our means, she would rather spend her days going for walks, a bike ride, or a drive down the many backroads here than in a shopping mall, she always preferred a backyard bonfire with friends and family over the hustle and bustle of the city.
She was “old fashioned” by today’s standards, ironically she had the same morals and values found on old tv shows such as The Walton’s or Little House on the Prairies, if you ever want to know what our lives were like and how our son was raised… just watch either show, it will give you a pretty accurate picture of our small family, my wife was modest too, she always was careful not to show too much skin unless we were at a pool or at the lake, then she wore a one piece swimsuit as she was always worried that a bikini would slip or worse come undone lol .
My wife wasn’t one for foul language, she didn’t like it and would admonish me whenever I swore, unless I was hurt ( usually self inflicted) , then she would tolerate the string of profanities that spewed forth from me, but there was 2 words that could never be spoken in her presence, and she would slap anyone or tell them off if they dared say them… 1 was Mother Trucker (take the Tr out and replace it with an F ) and 2 the dreaded “C” word C*nt … may God have mercy on you if you had dared utter these 2 words in her presence, because she showed no mercy with her reaction, she’s slap the lips clean off your face if you dared.
I used to be a foul mouthed jackass before I met her, but by the end of the first year with her, she had me trained pretty well and I rarely swore, think that’s a laugh riot, she single handedly trained all my friends and co workers as well!!
My wife carried herself with a sense of pride and grace, never arrogance, she was just very sure of herself and she shared that with everyone, she was always the first to offer encouragement, always the first to help you succeed at whatever it was you were doing, always the first to praise your accomplishments, and to pick you up and dust you off when you failed, she would never let you give up, if you failed , she would encourage you to try again and again until you succeeded, pretty soon everyone and everyone she always did this with were striving for their own personal best and success, to show her they could do it, to make her proud, and by God she was so very proud of everyone that she had helped and encouraged , and she showed it by hosting a grand party for them to celebrate their accomplishments , it was usually a backyard BBQ and bonfire (no alcohol ) , she would bake fresh biscuits and breads cakes and pies, she was famous for her potato salad and cabbage buns ( hamburger, onions, and cabbage, baked into a bun) , she would buy the person(s) individual small gifts, a token of her love and her sense of joy over their accomplishments.
My wife was very Genuine,Honest,Loyal and “Authentic” to coin a phrase. she loved life and all who were in it, her greatest love was children, she spent 17 years working as an ECE (Early Childhood Educator) , the children loved her, she had the ability to get right down to their level, be they babies, 5yrs,10yrs, etc she had a way with children that took everyone by surprise, at the end of the day when it was time for the children to go home, they would actually cry and throw temper tantrums because they did not want to be separated from her, even though they would see her again the next day, there was just something about her that made children gravitate to her , hell she had that effect on everyone and animals.
People and animals just naturally wanted to be around her, I never wanted to leave her side, and that made the hours spent away at work, the longest most agonizing hours ever, I couldn’t wait to get back home to her, when we went for our walks down the backroads , the wild animals (foxes, coyotes, deer, pronghorn antelopes,moose etc) would be within 50 feet of us and they seemed to be watching her without fear, they’d just watch as we watched back, it truly was amazing , she always tried to talk me out of hunting season, the funny thing is , we could go for a walk and see 5 10 20+ deer on any given day, yet when I went out to shoot one…. not a deer to be found for a 50 mile radius! I always used to tease her and tell her that a few days before hunting season she must be sneaking off into the fields while I’m away at work telling the animals I wanted to shoot them and that they should run and hide for the next 2 weeks! … without fail , every deer season my friends and I would have to drive to another spot in Saskatchewan to go hunting, and as soon as the season was over… our village was once again overrun with deer…. I still haven’t truly figured that out. … it has happened every year for the last 7 years… mighty strange indeed.
I don’t truly know how to describe what a wonderful person my wife was, you pretty much had to meet her to fully understand how amazing of a person she was, she kept her faith in God and never wavered, she never forced religion or her beliefs on anyone, her only insistence was saying grace before each meal, it didn’t matter what your personal beliefs were, you bowed your head and stayed silent while she said Grace. we have some friends who are Atheist , and she respected them and their thoughts and would listen with interest while they expressed their views , they would expect some sort of argument from her, but she would give none, she would simply state the obvious… guess you will find out either way when you die and leave it at that.
My wife taught me what it means to truly love and be loved unconditionally, she taught me how to trust, not just others but myself, she taught me self confidence, she taught me how to parent with a loving heart and a gentle hand, she taught me how to remain calm no matter the circumstance or situation, I have learned more about life and love in the 18 years that I was blessed to be with her, than I have in my entire life on this earth! and that is a fact you can take to the bank.
She was very selfless, always putting others before herself, sometimes I’d give her a bit of hell telling her that she deserved to put herself first, she should treat herself to whatever she wanted, she should do what pleases her and to hell with everyone else, she never listened, she never once put herself first before anyone else, if she did buy herself anything she would be wracked with guilt and either return it or give it away, she would go without to make sure others had what they needed/wanted, all the while she WAS doing exactly what pleased her most, and that was helping and giving to others, that is what made her happy.
This is but a small glimpse of what my wife was like as a person, a small fraction of who she was, words can not describe her with 100% accuracy as hard as I try, the words fail me, to me she was a true Angel in the flesh, perhaps she really was an Angel, all I know is out of the 7+Billion people on this planet…… she chose ME… I am truly humbled by that, I do not possess rockstar good looks, nor do I possess millions of dollars, but she chose me, someone who was a complete and utter asshole before I met her, complete with a lengthy criminal record… yet she chose me, looked beyond all my faults, paid no mind to my previous life, and slowly took me apart bit by bit and reshaped me and helped me grow into the person I am today, for that I am eternally grateful, I strongly dislike the person I once was, but often think about it, one of her favorite sayings was : always look forward, never back, and never forget who you were and where you came from lest you return.
I never understood that when I was a bit younger, but now it is as clear as day to me, so every once in awhile I stop and reflect on my past, reflect on where I am now, and look to the future to see where I could be if I just keep on doing what I am doing now. I will never forget who I was and where I came from before I met her, and I know that I shall never return to that place either, my personal history shall not repeat itself.
So I am going to stop here, I am feeling both happy talking about her, yet at the same time I grieve for my loss of her, see my life was so clearly mapped out and I was so sure of myself when she was at my side, I could not fail, now I am not so sure, my grief is much more and much deeper than the loss of her, my grief is also because for 18 wonderful years, I have lived and walked in Heaven with her, only I was too blind to see that, now that I realise that, it’s too late, I grieve because I will never know such love, peace and happiness again. I took that for granted, and believed in tomorrows , now I’ve lost it all and now know that tomorrows may never come, and love in its purest form is a double edged sword that can wound your very soul and take you from Heaven down to hell in the the blink of an eye, I know of hell, I am living in it now , and this is where I shall be until I too die, when I lost her, I lost absolutely everything that was good and beautiful in this world.
Remember folks : express your love often, never take tomorrow for granted, and be kind to others.
Butch
easy wood projects to build
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